Dear Reader...
Let it be said that nothing in this tome shall be released upon the world for they warp the mind and agitate the soul. They are reprehensible and should be left to be forgotten by time itself.
That said, it would be remiss of me if they were left undocumented in the unlikely event that the uneducated stumble upon them. Thus, this tome was created. In this book, the most reviled entities of our insular magical community are detailed through a collection of our observations and sealed so that they may never be observed again.
Tread carefully. And may your will be stronger than theirs.
In real people words, this is a page dedicated to things that drive me into a frothing rage. Some are wildly specific and utterly ridiculous. Others are fueled by reasonable logic and genuine disappointment. But just about all of them will involve some very funny rants and an excessive amount of swearing.
Current sections:
- foreword (you are here)
- locales
- tools (cw: blades)
- literature
- programmes
Go well, and enjoy my suffering.
Stairs of Impish Malice
(image of demonic stairs coming soon)
I live on the third floor of my apartment building. This is annoying for a lot of reasons, but generally, I prefer living on the top floor. BUT THESE FUCKING STAIRS ARE THIS CLOSE TO MAKING ME CHANGE MY MIND.
First of all, they are unnecessarily steep. It feels more like climbing a ladder than a flight of stairs. And that's because the steps aren't actually big enough to fit your foot, toe to heel. I, with my cucumber-length stompers, regularly kick or trip over the next stair while walking up them because there simply isn't enough depth to walk like a normal ass person. It drives me INSANE.
Do Not talk to me about hauling the groceries up those things because it quite literally takes a team of people running an assembly line to do it. You think I'm kidding, but I'm DEADASS. We usually need four people to take them all up in a reasonable amount of time and only three people live in the apartment, one of which is elderly and can't actually help. It's mental. Imagine my pain. This has to be a safety code violation or something.
Contents
The Elder Blade
I hate this knife so fucking much. It was my great grandmother's knife and my grandmother inherited it from her. Yes, you heard me. This knife is OLDER THAN MY GRANDMA. And the worst part is you can tell. My mother was supposed to inherit this knife but she didn't because 1) she's deceased, and 2) she absolutely refused to use it even while she was alive. I'm supposed to inherit that knife since I'm the eldest, but little does my grandma know that knife is getting buried with her. I am NOT putting that anywhere near my kitchen.
I have been trying to get rid of this knife for over a DECADE. But my family refuses to let me throw it away. It literally gets used every day and I WILL be recruited to look for it if it goes missing.
Contents
The Fourth Wing
Look, no hate if you enjoyed the book. Sometimes you do things because they're fun and that's perfectly okay. But as a writer, this book offends me on levels never before seen by mortals.
Its first offense is that it is literally just a fantasy remix of Divergent. Like the plot is the exact same with the exact same story beats. The romantic interest is basically just Four. He and the protagonist even meet in almost the exact same manner. There are only minor details that are changed and also there are dragons. I spent the entire time reading it with a feeling of deja vu.
Its second offense is that it stole its premise from Dragonflight, which is a book that came out SEVENTEEN YEARS BEFORE IT. And Dragonflight does it better!! I was going through my library's ebook collection and did a double take when I read the synopsis for Dragonflight, thinking it was the Fourth Wing. And then I looked at the publishing date and somehow reached new heights of disappointment. Truly, I'm breaking records.
Contents
Canonically Worst Sims Game
Sul sul, motherfuckers, let's talk about this travesty.
The sins of the Sims 4 are many. I'm talking orders of maginitude. I refuse to recount them all, but I will do an honorable mentions list. Stay tuned for that, I guess. No, my biggest bone to pick with the Sims 4 is the shitty gameplay and the shittier DLC.
The Sims 4 has been out since 2014, almost three times the amount of time as its predecessor. And somehow, it still manages to be a worse game. The game is, frankly, boring. I can play for at most an hour before I start feeling the urge to wash dishes for some enrichment. And I honestly believe that is entirely intentional. How else will they con you into buying over a thousand dollars worth of DLC?
And the packs aren't even worth the money. The best ones were just okay, and the rest were either redundant in concept or clearly spilt up to make you pay more. It's egregious and insulting. That's not even touching on all the missing features that they are STILL adding to the game or the fact that almost every DLC adds some new-fangled bug that sucks all the fun out of playing. I mean, come on, no story progression on launch? And then taking YEARS to add a pathetic version of it? Rapid aging bugs? INCEST BUGS? Both of which KEEP COMING BACK?? You are a billion dollar company, why won't you fucking act like it?
Anyway, I only plays the Sims 3, and I'm buying Paralives as soon as I'm able.
Honorable Mentions:
- toddlers, pools, and basements missing on launch
- the mismatched build mode items (things like counters being a shade off etc)
- no open world. not even a semi open world. wtf were they thinking???
- the hot mess that was the wedding pack
- my friend called it "fuck up your cpu simulator" if you're playing without mods or cc and she is entirely correct. the sims community salvaged that game and it spits on their efforts with its horridness
- just... the existence of kits. thay are a blatant cash grab